Boos Are Bad, But the Sound of Crickets is Worse!

My faithful readers know I’m a fan of Jon Acuff (shout out to Jon: his blog can be found at the aptly-named www.jonacuff.com). The other day he was talking about how, on the release of his third book, he did what every author should not do: He went to Amazon reviews and read each and every one.

It didn’t matter that three dozen reviewers gave him four or five stars – out of a possible five; he was obsessing over the one reviewer who gave him “one star.”

For some perspective, Acuff turned to a veteran author friend. That friend challenged him: Pull up all the classics — Dickens, Chaucer, Shakespeare – they all got one stars, too.

He put it to the test, pulling up two of his favorite books, Fitzgerald’s “Great Gatsby” and Salinger’s “Catcher in the Rye.” Sure enough (and much to his surprise) the former received 93 one-star reviews, and the latter – a dismal 298 one-star reviews (!).

What Acuff learned, and what I’m trying to tell you, is there will always be somebody who doesn’t like you. It’s not because they’re vengeful people who are out to get you. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. You may like sushi, but hate BBQ. Your spouse may like politics, but it puts you to sleep.

It’s just how it is.

We as leaders who put so much of ourselves out there on the stage to be critiqued and criticized, must develop a thick skin if we don’t already have it. Like Acuff reading through the Amazon reviews, I recently worked my way through a stack of critiques from attendees at two recent presentations of mine. The first stack was great — well, great for me to hear. These attendees made me sound like a rock star! The second stack, not so much. I felt less rock star, and more karaoke wannabe.

Aside from simply swallowing your pride, you need to go beyond that and learn to distill the “subjective” comments from the smart tips that will help you grow professionally. Like Acuff said, there will always be somebody who is going to throw rocks at your dream. Now, do those “rocks” – that perhaps downright nasty feedback – have merit? Or do they need to be filed under the “You can’t please everyone” folder?

Another thing to keep in mind: You may only hear from the customer | reader | listener | client when they’re unhappy. We’re all guilty of this. Just the other day, I was fuming when I thought the dry cleaner I’ve patronized for years had lost an article of my clothing. I had just enough time before missing item was located to complain to my husband and a colleague about what had happened. After the item had been found – an honest mistake – I thought about all the times I had frequented this business and everything went swimmingly. Not once did I ever tell anyone about how “great” this company was. But the moment something went wrong, I jumped all over it – spreading the news of my “horrible” experience.

We’ve all heard the phrase: “There is no such thing as bad publicity … except your own obituary.” We may think so-called bad publicity (or reviews or critiques or feedback) is the death knell for our career; however, want to know what’s truly the death knell?

Crickets.

Yes, silence.

If we’re not hearing anything from anyone, we are not out there. We are not present. And, not only that, how are we to grow from the feedback that is warranted, that isn’t based off of a trite opinion, if we’re not getting feedback at all?

Career suicide, in my (subjective) opinion, comes down to three things:

  • First, not being gritty and steeling oneself for the inevitable negative opinion (some people are never going to like you, and no one person is going to like you all the time……except maybe your mom).
  • Second, not putting these comments in perspective.
  • And third, not welcoming the bad with the good because, after all, there is ONE thing worse than negative comments – and that’s not hearing anything at all.