A lot of people see me as a fearless individual, and I do have a tendency to be optimistic and confident about nearly anything life has to offer. But there’s always an edge to the circumstances I put myself into professionally. In fact, as a leader and an entrepreneur, most of the time I am terrified way past my pay grade. But I have never allowed the fear of falling flat on my face — or getting in over my head — stop me from getting what I wanted. I got to be a hospital VP at the age of 22, yes, after a lot of long hours and by rolling up my sleeves, but also because I ASKED. I asked for the opportunity to be considered for the position, and I proved my ability in the role. I have also gotten many committee appointments, speaking opportunities, client engagements, referrals, recommendations, mentor relationships, etc., etc., etc., … simply because I asked.

But so many people, especially women, don’t do the asking.

Don’t wait for your boss to ask you: “Will you accept this VP position?” “Will you head up this committee?” “Will you run point on this presentation?” “Will you sit on this board?”

If you’re waiting for that, you may be waiting the rest of your career.

Authors Jill Flynn, Kathryn Heath and Mary Davis Holt relay the story of Sharon Allen in their recent Harvard Business Review article (“Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers Unintentionally“).

In her 30s, Allen was in for a shock: She had quite-publicly been passed over for a promotion. But her male colleagues … not so much.

After stewing for a few days, she approached the boss and flat-out told him: “I have accomplished A, B, C, D and E and I think I deserved that promotion.”

Her boss’ reaction: “Sharon, I had no idea you had accomplished all of those things. You didn’t let me know.” (!!!!)

She never got over being passed over. She didn’t allow it to happen again. Today, Allen is Chairman of Deloitte & Touche USA, and the highest-ranking women in the firm’s nearly 170-year history.

Basically, Flynn and crew say that Allen fell prey to one of the four key ways that women unwittingly sabotage their careers:  not asking.

The author-trio basically say that women fail (to get promoted) because they fail to do anything. They shut themselves out of the game. After all, if you don’t step on the court, you have nothing to lose, right? Yet, you’ll never make that big win standing on the sidelines, either. There’s no way around it, they say — you have to ask.

I was fortunate enough to be born brave. That’s not to say (as I indicated off the top) that I’m totally fearless. Like everyone else, there is always a big risk with stepping up and asking for something big. But the way I see it: If I don’t step up, someone else will. And, if I want something great, I’m going to have to make it happen, right?

A mentee of mine, Mallory, a graduate student in healthcare administration, is asking for what she wants right out of the gate – she’s not waiting for a career setback to learn the lesson. In fact, armed with a great relationship built during a summer internship, Mallory approached the leadership of the (internship site) health system about building a fellowship program from the ground up. Guess what? Mallory now has a tailor-made fellowship waiting for her when she graduates next spring, and a paid internship within the organization during this last year of her academic program.

If she wouldn’t have asked, it wouldn’t have happened.

I couldn’t be more proud of her.

Take it from Mallory, take it from Sharon Allen, take it from me: Ask! I would rather ask and “fail” then stand in the shadows and wonder, “What If?”, as I watch someone else living my dream.

If you suddenly lose your voice right at the moment when you know something great should happen, you’ll never know. You have to make it happen.